If your child has been asked to leave daycare, or you are getting frequent calls and incident reports about biting, hitting, or big meltdowns, you probably feel a knot in your stomach when you see the daycare’s number pop up. You might feel embarrassed, frustrated, or worried about what this means for your child. You may even wonder if you did something wrong.

You didn’t.

This situation is more common than people realize, especially for toddlers and preschoolers who are still learning how to handle big feelings, share attention, wait their turn, and move through busy days filled with noise and activity. Often, it means the setting is struggling to meet your child’s needs right now. Some children need extra help learning how to calm their bodies, communicate in ways that work for them, handle transitions, or cope when things do not go as expected.

The encouraging part is this: these are skills. And skills can be taught.

With the right guidance and consistent support, many children learn new ways to communicate, manage frustration, and feel more successful in group settings. Progress does not happen overnight, but growth is possible. And you do not have to figure it out alone.

Understanding Why Daycare Struggles Happen

There are many reasons a daycare might struggle to support your child. You might hear concerns about frequent tantrums, hitting or biting, or challenges following routines. 

Even very typical toddler behaviors like these can become difficult in a group setting when they are happening often, lasting a long time, or creating safety concerns.

It helps to remember that daycare is a shared environment. Whether it is a center, a home daycare, or another group setting, there are usually multiple children and limited adult support. It is often the first place kids are introduced to frequent transitions, noise, waiting, and sharing. That is a lot to navigate for any kid!

With limited resources, daycare providers often feel overwhelmed and stretched thin. Many receive very little training in understanding why behavior happens or how to respond. When stress rises, adults may rely on strategies like time-out, repeated corrections, or removing privileges because those are the tools they have available.

Over time, if challenging behaviors continue or escalate, the setting may respond by increasing incident reports, asking for frequent parent meetings, shortening a child’s day, or, in some cases, deciding they can no longer provide care.

What to Do Next if Your Child Is Struggling

If your child is having a hard time at daycare, start by getting clear and specific information. Ask what is happening, when it tends to happen, and what happens right before and right after. Is it during transitions? When toys are shared? When an adult is helping another child? Patterns matter. The more specific the information, the easier it is to problem-solve.

Next, shift from “How do we stop this?” to “What skill might be missing?” If a child is hitting during play, they may need help asking for a turn. If they melt down during transitions, they may need more warning before a change. If they struggle during group time, they may need shorter expectations or small movement breaks. When we teach the skill that replaces the behavior, progress becomes much more likely.

Work together with the daycare provider. Even small changes can make a big difference. This might look like giving visual reminders, offering simple choices, practicing transitions ahead of time, reinforcing positive behavior quickly and consistently, or adjusting expectations during the most difficult parts of the day.

At home, you can support the same skills in low-pressure ways. Practice taking turns during play. Role-play asking for help. Use simple countdowns before transitions. Notice and praise the behaviors you want to see more of. Skills grow faster when children experience consistency across settings.

Most importantly, do not assume this means your child cannot succeed in a group environment. Many children need extra teaching and practice before those skills click. When adults respond with clarity, consistency, and collaboration, children often make meaningful progress right where they are.

When to Consider an Evaluation

If your child continues to struggle even after consistent support at daycare and at home, it may be time to gather more information.

For most families, the first step is a visit with your child’s pediatrician. Share specific examples of what is happening at daycare and what you are noticing at home. Pediatricians can help rule out medical concerns, screen for developmental differences, and guide you toward appropriate next steps if needed.

Depending on what is observed, your child may be referred for a developmental evaluation. This could include speech and language testing, a psychological evaluation, or a broader developmental assessment. In some cases, families may explore an autism evaluation. In others, the evaluation may identify communication delays, attention challenges, or other developmental differences.

An evaluation might sound scary, but it does not define your child. It does not change who they are. It simply helps clarify which skills need more support and why certain environments may feel especially hard right now.

After the evaluation, you will receive recommendations. Some children qualify for services such as applied behavior analysis (ABA), speech therapy, occupational therapy, or other early intervention programs. Others may not qualify for formal services but still benefit from targeted strategies at home and in daycare.

If your child does qualify, services are designed to build meaningful, everyday skills. In ABA, that often means breaking down larger challenges into teachable steps and helping children practice new skills in ways that feel achievable. This might include learning to communicate wants and needs more effectively, tolerate transitions, play with peers, follow routines, or manage frustration in safer ways. The focus is not on changing who your child is. It is on giving them tools that help them feel more capable and successful in the environments they are already in.

There Is a Path Forward

Being asked to leave daycare, or feeling like your child is constantly in trouble, can feel heavy. It can shake your confidence and make you question what comes next. But this moment is not a prediction of your child’s future.

Children are not bad, and struggling in daycare does not mean they do not belong there. Behavior is communication. When we take the time to understand what a child’s behavior is telling us, we can begin to teach the skills that help them succeed.

With the right support, many children learn to communicate more clearly, move through transitions with less stress, and engage with peers in positive, meaningful ways. What feels overwhelming right now can become manageable with structure, consistency, and guidance.

If you are navigating this, you do not have to do it alone. Early support, including ABA therapy in daycare or in-home ABA therapy, can help identify the skills your child needs and build them step by step. Reaching out for guidance is not a sign that something is wrong. It is a proactive step toward helping your child feel more confident, capable, and successful in the settings that matter most.

How New Perspectives ABA Can Help

At New Perspectives ABA, we work with many families whose children are struggling in daycare or have been asked to leave. Our goal is not just to reduce challenging behaviors. It is to understand why they are happening and teach the skills that help children succeed in real-life settings.

We provide ABA therapy in daycare, in-home ABA therapy, and community-based support throughout Nassau County and Queens County, NY. That means we can help your child build skills in the environments where they are actually needed. We focus on communication, social interaction, flexibility, coping skills, and daily routines in ways that feel natural and relationship-based.

Our team partners closely with families. You are not handed a plan and left on your own. We collaborate, share progress regularly, and provide practical guidance so the strategies we use during therapy carry over into everyday life.

If your child has been kicked out of daycare, is struggling with toddler behavior problems at daycare, or you are considering early intervention for behavior concerns, you do not have to wait until things feel worse. Support can begin with a conversation.

There is a path forward. And we are here to walk it with you.